Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
