you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
