He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
