is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
