i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
