literally had 100 drinks last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The air was thick with penises
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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