We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
