I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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