yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
