at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
