I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
