You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
