So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
