i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
