I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
