I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
