I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
