Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I understand Curling. That high.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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