u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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