and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
