being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
