What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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