There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
