I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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