Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
