I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I want is dick and wine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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