He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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