I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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