I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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