I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
