Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize