waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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