Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
