you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize