not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
