kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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