I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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