i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
