So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want to fling myself into the sun
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
