Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
