I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
