it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
