You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
