I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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