Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
