I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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