I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize