So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize