you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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