i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
