She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
