32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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