May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
