Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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