i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
