my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sex in a hospital.. check
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
