is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
