Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
