I think I am morally bankrupt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
