i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
