I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize