having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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