At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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