Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
