I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
