remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
