I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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