Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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