Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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