O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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