My friends, they love my intelligence
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
